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Note to My Parents: Resume Edition

Aug. 11 12:23 PM by FemmeFatale

Hello there! Forgive me for the lack of notes to my parents, they've been on a long summer vacation cruise... Without me! And whilst they've been basking on beautiful beaches, and dining on the finest cuisine... I've been slaving away at my current job, cleaning house, walking dogs, and looking for a NEW job for when school starts up in a few weeks...

Seeing as I haven't used my resume in three years, I figured it was time for an update. I was writing it up very professionally, until I got to "Skills"... I sat there staring at the blank space for a while, not really sure what kind of skills I had that would pertain to the job I was applying for, or what appropriate words I could use. Absolutely bored to tears, I found myself typing in "Pwning Noobs", and like the dork that I am; I laughed at myself for doing something so lame. Then it hit me! ... Type up your whole resume gamer style! Let the real me shine through! Company's like honest employees, why should I cover up the gamer in me?

So my friends. Here I have for you; the resume that every gamers' should truly look like:

Cover Letter:
1m 4n ub3r g4m3r l00k1ng 70 sh4r3 my kn0wl3dg3 0f g4m35 w17h 07h3r5, l1k3 n1nj4 guru U kn0w? 101. 1 ju57 w4nn4 w0rk 4 u, k? 1'm r34l g00d @ 57uff, ju57 l00k @ my 1337 5k1llz!

Femme Fatale
23 Pwn Face Cres, Durrrty Durrrty South East
(403)-555-1337

Objective:
A JOB, LOL! JK, but SRSLY... I need money to buy games

Edumucation (lol, dun wurry! I kno I spelled it wrong):
Dropped outta high school in hopes to become a pr0 g4m3r!!11! (still working on that, u kno any sponsors??? lol.)

Work XP:
July 2008
SAS operative (CoD 4: Modern Warfare BABAY!)
Pwned Russian ultranationalists, handled heavy duty weaponry (like grenade launchers n' shi7! I'm so good w/ the sniper rifle, tbh.), uber skilled air strikes, and a bunch of other things and stuff

2002 - current
Counter-Terrorist (COUNTER-STRIKE, SON!11 The best game EVAR, K?)
Diffused bombs that terrorists planted, killed some 1337 kr3w bitchez that thought they were so gewd at being terroristy, BUT JUSTICE ALWAYS PREVAILS MISTERS! LOL. GOOD>EVIL, K?

April 2005 - March 2008
Level 70 Night Elf Rogue (lol, World of Warcrack! I SWEAR I quit that job, n' I haven't gone back, I PROMISE, PLZ BELIEVE ME!!)
Killed end bosses that were like ub3r hard, PUT IN VERY LONG WORK HOURS; LIKE 14 HR SHIFTS EVERY DAY SRSLY, raped horde, ganked lowbiez cuz it was just SO FUN LOLOL!!!! Duel wielded swords like no other could, son! Fer real, wanna duel? LOL

SRS Skillz (lol, see whut i did thar?):
Pwning noobs, headshots from across the map, no scope headshots, deagle headshots, mad awp skillz (yez it takes skill! LOL), pr0 dragon slaying abilities, ganking abilities, uber knifing skills, Guitar Hero expert (no big deal or anything, LOL), RTS lord, great communication skills (i kno this cuz over ventrilo, i'm not like the n00bs that don't have a headset, and have their music going in the background, and talk over people. Such n00bs. I have a pr0 gaming headset and I never have background noise, lol), and every other skill someone could possess, I have.

Hobbies & Interests
Games (duh), comic books, pizza, other stuff like that, movies: Kill Bill Vol. 1&2, American History X, Romper Stomper, hostel 1&2, Saw, Silent Hill, wristcutters: A Love Story, schindlers list, Death Proof, Planet Terror, 300 (THIS. IS. MY. RESUME!!! /KICK LOL!!!)

References:
IDK, My BFF Jill?

Editing out a few things, I'm seriously considering handing this in to EB Games, lol.

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